Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Although I love the child I used to be, there is a woman who lives inside of me. – Week 5


The other day I happened upon a highly disturbing episode of Oprah. Mackenzie Phillips was on there talking about her “consensual” sexual relationship with her late father, John Phillips of 60’s rock band the Mamas & the Papas. I’ll be honest, I’d never heard of Mackenzie Phillips. My mom was a huge Mamas & Papas fan, so I was curious. I watched the rest of the episode and was pretty shocked at how candid she was in talking about the relationship and drug abuse that she partook in with her father. She was rolling joints for her father at 10. Yeah, really messed up.
At first, I had a hard time reading the book. Her writing is mediocre at best. I found some of her writing corny and hard to follow. It was chock-full of cliches and corny analogies. Ms. Phillips seems to have an over-inflated self image of the relevance of the Mamas and the Papas and her career as well. That being said, I am also 27 years old and obviously am from another generation. Maybe I just don't get it? I remember my mom loving the Mamas and the Papas and I can bust out a mean rendition of "California Dreamin'"... but again, their relevance was before my time. I wonder if I would’ve felt more interested in this book if I’d grown up during that generation – 60’s pot-smokin’, hippie livin’, free-lovin’… and all that.


I found her story to be heartbreaking. Growing up without a strong mother figure in her life, she lived for her father’s acceptance. He was the glamourous and exciting parent. His fame put her in touch with the stars of the day and put her in the limelight. Throughout her life she continued to seek her father's love - through a haze of drugs and partying. She describes him exposing her to drugs, partying, and abuse from the age of 5. Being abandoned at airports and on one occasion, a rented house while he went out on a bender with the Rolling Stones Keith Richards. Through it all, she just wanted a glimmer of attention from her father. Something that sadly, she never got.


I liked how she ended the story by saying that she is by no means completely healed. I have respect for her for being able to use the book as a part of her healing and recovery process. After reading the book, I realize that her relationship with her father was definitely not "consensual." I wonder why they even called it that on Oprah? I see Mackenzie Phillips as a victim and a woman just trying to find her place in the world. I wish her all the luck in the world.

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